Just a Quick Introduction

As this is my first time writing a Blogspot, I am a little unsure as to how to use it successfully so I seem to be opting for a good old trial and error method at present. Being the perfectionist that I am this is proving rather difficult but hey ho, there is nothing like a bit of a challenge.

I haven't actually started my counselling yet. I have found an appropriate service in my local area and have self-referred via phone. I have had a short phone assessment and I am currently waiting for them to contact me again for a more thorough assessment before I go and see them face to face for my initial assessment, which will hopefully be with the professional who I will working with from then on forward.

Truth be told, I have never talked about the different forms of sexual abuse that I encountered during childhood and throughout my adolescence with anybody whilst sober. I have an awful tendency to get completely smashed and wail, on anybody who will listen, about how tragic my life is. This normally takes place in the corner of a grimy club’s smoking area. I wake up in the morning and often can't remember quite how much I have disclosed, which more often than not leaves me with the sickening feeling of dread and remorse.

I have had numerous types of therapy and counselling which I hope to discuss in other posts, however I have never disclosed, what I personally believe to be, the root cause of my problems.

I don't wish to disclose the full extent of my abuse on this blog and don't plan to give a blow by blow account of everything that has happened to me. I feel as though that would be unnecessary and perhaps detrimental to my recovery. I will discuss thoughts and feelings that are very personal to me and I hope to be respected by those who may read this. I plan to invite certain close friends to read my blog so that they can get a feeling of where I am at with my counselling; I am often so much better at articulating myself via the written form than verbally.

Finally, trigger warnings. I have decided not to use trigger warnings in my entries. I understand that may be difficult for some people to accept, however I am also able to accept that individual triggers are broad and therefore feel that I cannot accept responsibility for ensuring my writing will not be triggering for you. I will be talking about sexual abuse, I will be talking about self-harm, I will be talking about issues regarding sexuality and gender, and I will be talking about suicide. That being said, I don’t plan to dwell on the past so I will endeavour to make this blog as recovery focused as I possibly can!